I realized something yesterday. Something a little scary to me. I have depression. I was diagnosed when I was 15. I've been on anti-depressants since said time. Well, I forgot to take my medicine yesterday, and was already having a hard week anyway. It seems like me missing my pill sent me on a emotional spiral downwards.
I've gone through "episodes" like that before, so it's nothing too new for me, but this time really shocked me because of how quick I seemed to turn. Though I had been having a hard week already, yesterday threw me completely out of whack. I got extremely hopeless, depressed, and lonely. I ended up resorting to one of my old addictions, self-harming.
Self-harming has been one of the hardest addictions for me to talk with others about. It seems almost everyone I've ever opened up to about it just tells me I have issues and just need to stop. I've been told I do it for attention, that I'm disturbed for doing it, that I'm unbalanced and need help. I will admit, when I first started self-harming it was for attention, but even so, there were other reasons behind it.
I do not want anyone who has never self-harmed before to ever try it. It may not seem like it, but it can easily become addicting. It offers the body a physical release, and causes the body to react by releasing hormones which in many ways can act almost like drugs. Self-harming is not something I'm proud of, it's not something I want to continue to indulge in, but it's still a struggle I personally face.
I guess my hope in writing this post is to help people realize that we all have different struggles. The best way to help anyone is just to love them. Love without judging them, but at the same time trying to turn them to God and following His commandments.
I woke up this morning feeling monumentally better than i did yesterday. I questioned why I ever decided to harm myself yesterday, why I was even feeling so low, and I just have to realize that life happens. I have my bad days, as does everyone. I make mistakes, I sin, I'm imperfect, but I can get back up again. Life isn't over, Christ loves me infinitely and unconditionally, and He can forgive me for my shortcomings and mistakes.
I love you all, and hope to start posting more often (and more positively while still keeping it genuine). May God bless you continually!
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