Hold to the Iron Rod

In Lehi's vision in 1 Nephi 8, there is an iron rod along a strait and narrow path that leads to the tree of life. Along the path there is a river, and on the other side of the river there is a great and spacious building. The iron rod is enshrouded in a mist of darkness. Lehi sees individuals who lose their way in the mist of darkness. Some of them drown in the river, and some of them make it to the great and spacious building. Others, who hold tight to the iron rod, make it through the mist of darkness and reach the tree of life. Those in the great and spacious building point fingers and mock and scorn those partaking of the fruit of the tree of life. Some who have partaken of the fruit feel ashamed due to the mocking and scorn, and fall away and are lost. 

Lehi's Dream, by Greg Olsen

Just yesterday, a prominent voice in the gay Mormon community announced a significant change in their life and testimony. This individual was in a mixed-orientation marriage (meaning a marriage where spouses have different sexual orientations, such as a gay man married to a straight woman) that they decided to end. This normally wouldn't be much of an issue to me, aside from feeling genuinely sorry for them and those that their decision will affect. However, in the process of them announcing their decision for divorce, they also made very generalized and erroneous claims, and accused the church's stance on LGBT issues of literally killing people. 

In their post, they claimed that because their marriage failed, all other mixed-orientation marriages were doomed to fail. That’s simply a logical fallacy. It would be like me claiming that, as a native English speaker, because I failed a Spanish class in high school, that everyone else who is a native English speaker will also fail that same class. I feel this claim is particularly assumptive as I know people within the gay Mormon community who have happy and loving mixed-orientation marriages. I also feel it’s dangerous and unnecessarily damaging to potential marriages in the future. For example, while I don’t currently see marriage being an option for me, if one day I honestly fall in love with a woman and want to marry, if she were to do a Google search about marrying a gay Mormon man, and she happened upon that post, would she reconsider or have serious doubts that would change her mind about potentially marrying me?

The individual who wrote the post has a very large following, and is well-known and quite influential. For this reason, I honestly fear for those who may be negatively affected or led astray due to this individual’s choice and decision to turn against the church. And it’s not just those who are LGBT members of the church. I have already seen others who have been influenced and swayed by this post, and by other factors. Members who I wish were my allies, who I wish supported me and believed the doctrines of the church they are members of, turning against the church because of the scorn and mocking from the great and spacious building.

It seems that when someone falls away from the iron rod, they have a good chance of taking others down with them. Especially when this is someone with influence and a large following. It makes it particularly damaging and confusing when they pull others away in the confusion of large issues such as LGBT matters. There are so many opposing voices on this topic, so many black and whites, so many shades of grey, that it can honestly be hard sometimes to decipher what is true and what is not. And that’s part of what makes this such a powerful topic, both for good and evil. I have found incredible strength in my testimony by pushing through the difficulties that come along with being a faithful member of the church while also being attracted to the same sex. And there are definitely difficulties. And then there are others who have been lost in the mists of darkness due to the complexities and difficulties surrounding this issue.

I will be honest, sometimes it is difficult to not occasionally feel ashamed or confused when the voices from the great and spacious building are so loud and disparaging. Sometimes I do wonder if it would be easier or better to just go join the masses. But then I remember why I’m here. Why I keep going. Why I am pushing forward despite the difficulty and pain that I go through. I keep going because I have a testimony of Jesus Christ and His gospel. I’m here because I have worth that I can’t comprehend, and potential that I can’t currently realize. I’m pushing forward because I have a brother who loved me enough to pay for my sins, and die for me that I can live again. I’m here because I have a Heavenly Father who created this world, and put forth a plan wherein I can return to be with Him and with those that I love for eternity. I’m going on because God is loving, God is just, and God is merciful.

Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can honestly be incredibly difficult sometimes. I get lost in the complexities of life, and recently I’ve been realizing that it can be really good to return to the small and simple things. There’s a song that I like called “I Wanna Go Back” by David Dunn that has really touched me recently. Part of the lyrics are “I wanna go back to Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so. I wanna go back to this little light gonna let it shine. I wanna go back.” I have been so lost in some of the complexities that I’ve been forgetting some of the simple things. Forgetting that Jesus loves me, forgetting to pray and read the scriptures, forgetting why I have a testimony. But recently I’ve been going back. Going back to believing that Jesus loves me, and there is a plan for me. And that’s what matters.

            If you’re holding on to the iron rod, don’t let go. Those in the great and spacious building will continue to scoff, mock, and scorn. Difficulties will arise, things will be tough. But hold on. I believe that Jesus loves me. I believe that I have a place in the gospel. I believe that I can live a full life following the doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And I believe that God’s plan is possible for all of His children, that He loves all of them, and that there is a way back through Christ’s atonement. And I will keep holding to the iron rod and I'll press forward with faith.

Addiction & Leaving the Church

     Before you read any of my post, please watch this video. Quick preface, it is a TED Talk. There are things TED Talks cover that I don't agree with. In this video specifically there are a few lines I disagree with. But overall I think it's absolutely amazing and illuminating, so please watch before reading further:

(Video not showing up? Click here)

There's also an article that adds a bit more to the discussion that you can access here 

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    Alright, hopefully you've watched the video by now. I watched it for the first time earlier this week because someone had shared it on Facebook. I won't lie, it sort of blew my mind at first. As I thought about it more, it made sense. Really it did. But starting out, like he mentioned, I had been taught that addiction was all about the chemical hooks. I believed it. I thought it was something wrong with me chemically and spiritually, and that I just needed to tackle it on my own, and if I couldn't overcome it, then I must be a failure.

     For those of you who have read my blog before, you know that my primary addictions have been pornography and masturbation. Those are the addictions I relapse on most frequently, but I'm also addicted to self-harm, food, video games, etc. My first exposure to pornography and masturbation happened when I was about 10 or 11 years old.

     One thing the video and article touched on that really got me thinking was they mentioned that trauma makes it difficult to trust people, and therefore difficult to feel connected, and therefore make you prone to addictions. I looked back on my own life, my past, to see what I could identify, and needless to say there was a fair amount. I was physically and emotionally mistreated by people I trusted when I was young, I was bullied a lot from elementary school, up until I graduated high school. I was excluded from peer groups within my own ward. Scouts and young mens activities were difficult for me. I rarely felt like I belonged, I observed that sometimes I was treated differently than my peers, and I didn't have any male friends.

   

     I had a male friend when I was young. I talked about him in My Story. I remember loving his friendship. I enjoyed spending time with him. Everything seemed to be going well, until sexual exploration entered our relationship. At the time, I think both he and I were too young to understand what we were doing. It was driven by curiosity, and it just seemed like part of our relationship. We were caught a few times, though, and he would be quickly sent home, and I would usually receive some type of punishment. I remember how shocked my parents were each time... I remember how much confusion and pain I felt. Here was a relationship I valued, that had an aspect I didn't fully understand, and I was told very strongly that it was wrong and bad, and needed to end. This friend and I eventually stopped spending time together. We got into a fight, and he moved away shortly after. This all happened when I was probably only 8 or 9. The experience was traumatic enough, though, that I feared friendships with boys. I never wanted my parents to react that like that around me again, I never wanted to go through the pain of losing a friend again, and I tied all of the emotions to boys. I decided that I never wanted another friend that was a boy again.

     That resolve did not hold, of course. I ended up needing male friendships, craving them, praying for them. I would watch the Lord of the Rings movies, and then go to my room and cry myself to sleep. Seeing the friendship that Frodo and Sam had was something I craved so deeply that anytime I watched the movies, I was reminded of what I didn't have, and felt like I couldn't have, and would become depressed. The same was true in my daily life. When I saw true male friends interacting with each other, I would come home and cry.

     When I found pornography, it became a replacement. I didn't feel like I could ever have real male friends in this life, but I could convince myself I was having a relationship through pornography. My searches for pornography were rarely random. They would instead focus on a few individuals that I felt I had some form of relationship with. Was it a false and unhealthy relationship? Yes. Most definitely. But it was all I felt I could have in this life. Masturbation was a similar situation. I would use it to create synthetic relationships in my mind, though other times I would just use it in an attempt to numb the pain and loneliness.

     Now that I finally have real relationships with men in my life, I feel like my addictions are better than they were in the past, but they're not gone yet. I have connection in my life like I never have had before, but I still isolate at times. When I go to church, I sit alone. I don't feel like I have friends in my ward. When I was in the Pathway program, I would sit alone during class. I have people in my immediate life that I have connection with, but I lack external connections that I feel are necessary, too.

     I feel like I'm jumping all over with this post... I came here with a specific goal in mind, and instead got distracted by my own life and thoughts.

     What I really want to write in this post is a thought/comparison I had about the idea of connection. A theme I've noticed in my life this past month has been people that my family and friends know who are gay have been leaving the church to pursue romance with members of the same gender. A friend my older sister had in high school came out as gay a while ago. At the time he was a member of the church. Just recently, he married his same-sex partner. A member of my home ward who is a bit younger than me who also came out as gay not too long ago recently decided to leave the church, and now has a boyfriend. My best friend had a guy he was meeting with who is gay that he was trying to reactivate in the church, and it seemed to be going well, but just a couple weeks ago, he told my friend he is no longer interested in the church, and now has a boyfriend.

     I've been perplexed, I guess. A big mistake I've been making for quite some time now is assuming that those who leave the church, for any number of reasons, are leaving because they just aren't strong enough, or because they're just making poor decisions. I want to apologize for thinking this way. I really do. I've been working on myself, trying to become more loving and understanding. I'm making progress, but I have a ways to go still. The reason I bring this up is that the TED Talks video realy changed my perspective on it this week.

     I want to make clear that I'm not comparing same-sex attraction to addiction. I'm very aware that it's a different issue entirely. But I believe that connection has much more prevalence in our life than just helping us overcome addiction. I had a thought this week... what if these people are leaving the church because they are not getting their needs met in their wards, and from friends and family? As a gay man myself, I know how desperately I need real physical connections with people, especially men. And I also know how difficult it is to find that in the LDS culture. The LDS doctrine may be true, but wow... LDS culture is honestly corrupt in some ways. So if they have innate needs, that aren't being met in the church, where can they turn? Well, to romance of course. That's what our culture dictates. If I need a hand to hold, I either need to be a young and cute child, or I need to be romantically involved. If I go to church and hold hands with my male best friend, the assumption for most would be that we are romantically involved.

     I think I understand now why I've heard some LGBT members of the church say they need to leave the church otherwise they'll take their life. I can't speak for people, but I can't help but feeling that maybe they're right... not in the sense of doctrine, but culture... they have innate physical needs that they need met in order to be healthy, but culture dictates that they can't have it unless it's romantic and sexual... so they leave. And I honestly don't think I can say I blame them anymore... I used to. I used to be judgmental of those who left, but I think I understand now... at least part of it...

     Do I want people to leave the church? No. I feel sorry for them. Really, I do. They should have been loved, they should have been shown that they mattered. As a church that claims to represent Christ, we should be completely loving. Not just accepting. I think accepting is less of an issue in our culture (though still an issue). I think love is where we lack. I don't feel comfortable asking for hugs from my ward, even from my own bishop sometimes. That shouldn't be the case. I should feel comfortable approaching members of my ward and expressing my needs. I should likewise be willing to meet the needs of those who express them to me as far as I am able.

     Now I want to point out that agency is most definitely a factor. I don't believe life should be all rainbows and butterflies. Membership in the church can be hard sometimes, there will be trials of our faith, and the actions of the members around us should not dictate our spiritual journey and well-being... at the same time, however, we desperately need love in our congregations.... Sometimes I feel the need to shout it from the pulpit, but I really don't know if it would change anything... The change needs to start with me. I need to be someone who expresses love to those around me, the same love I always craved, but rarely received. If I don't, there's little hope of me changing anything.

     Just a couple weeks ago, I was sitting next to someone in my ward who is comfortable with physical touch. It was so nice to have someone I could sit next to in sacrament meeting, and give a back scratch to. I could see some members squirming in discomfort in seeing the display of affection, especially when we were in elder's quorum. But you know what? I'm thankful I had that opportunity. He's out of the ward for now because he left for college, but having someone I can be a cultural example with during church was a great opportunity.

     One other thing I just thought of that could be a great help to addicts, LGBT members, and really anyone with any kind of trials in their life, would be to stop the culture of shaming... the video mentions that shaming addicts doesn't help them overcome addictions, and often just exacerbates the issue. Couldn't the same be said for other situations? For me, I already believe I'm a horrible sinner and terrible person. I'm trying to change that false belief and hatred I have about myself, but it is never helped when people walk up to the pulpit and preach about how such and such are such awful sins, and how everyone needs to repent, etc. etc. etc. Don't get me wrong, these things need to be discussed. Repentance especially is a core part of the gospel of Christ. But I know about repentance, I know I sin and fall short... What I need is a hospital, a place I can go to be loved and healed, not ridiculed and simply diagnosed. Rather than talk about how addictions are awful and make you unworthy, let's discuss how to love addicts and help them come out of cycles. Rather than talk about how evil gay marriage is, lets discuss how to love our LGBT members and keep them active in the church. Rather than talk about how tea and coffee are terrible, let's discuss how to help each other become healthier, and maybe stop eating sugar-loaded foods at church activities.

     I've known other people in my life who have left the church because they felt persecuted and judged. I love these people. I want them to come back to the church. And while I don't know their whole story, I can't help but wonder if the persecution they felt led to a lack of connection which was then attributed to the LDS Church, and I really can't blame them for leaving because they were mistreated. Yes, you shouldn't let members dictate your testimony. If people in my life did, with the way I've treated people in my past, some of them likely would leave the Church, too. But that's not an excuse to be complacent. The culture in the church needs to change. We shouldn't just love people when they're going through a crisis, or when they're returning to the gospel... They should be loved always, because you never know when they may feel disconnected enough that they turn away.

     I really feel so strongly that I want to better connect to the people in my ward. I really want to make an effort to do it. I want to change culture, I need to change culture, even if it's just my own personal culture, if I have any hope of staying an active member. I need connection in my life, and I am so thankful for those I do have who are willing to give it to me. My best friend, my family, and especially God. I've struggled with loving people in the past, I struggle with loving myself, but in both areas I'm slowly improving. My desire right now is that everyone has the ability to feel connected and loved. Ideally this means people in your life love you coupled with the love of God. But I understand that's not the case for everyone, and I can only imagine how hard that must be, but I believe that God can make up the difference, and make it right somehow. Hold on. You are loved. Reach out to those around you. Show them that you love them, too. Together, maybe we can make this world a better place.

Much Love,
     Mitchell Clark.

To Those Who Think Same-Sex Marriage Won't Affect Them

     This is a blog post (or link, rather) dedicated to those who believe same-sex marriage won't affect them. It is also for those who have told me same-sex marriage won't affect me due to my religious beliefs, and that as such, they believe I should be silent about it.
     Regardless of your situation, I think all Americans should read this:

• A Warning from Canada: Same-Sex Marriage Erodes Fundamental Rights 

  ( www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2015/04/14899/ )

Supreme Court Legalizes Gay Marriage Nationwide

     The Supreme Court of the United States of America decided today in the case of Obergefell v. Hodges that same-sex marriage is to be legalized in all 50 states, effective immediately.

     Well, it happened. Same-sex marriage is now legal nationwide.

     This decision was one of the first things I saw when I woke up this morning. The one thing I have opposed more than almost anything else in my life has now been legalized.

     One might think this would be crushing news to me. To be honest, I wasn't surprised. I mean, this isn't the first moral failing of United States law. Look at the legalization of abortion, for example.

     Does that mean I'm not upset? Certainly not. I'm definitely upset.

     Today's decision was shaking, but not (personally) in strictly a bad way. Of course, the decision itself is bad. There was nothing good at all about the court's decision. But the decision I read this morning only grounded me more powerfully in the gospel. I realized today that I am definitely on the side I want to be on. On God's side. I realized that, while I'm just one human being, I have power. I have a position that very few people have on this issue. I am gay (as far as attraction is concerned), yet still live a religious life, avoiding any inappropriate, sexual, or romantic relationships with the same-sex. I realize that same-sex attraction is not a choice, but acting inappropriately on those attractions is definitely a choice.

     And you know what? Regardless of how small I may be as a single person, I am on God's side, and I can make decisions in my life that will have an impact, whether seen or not. This fourth of July, rather than wear a shirt with the American Flag on it, I'll wear my Voice(s) of Hope shirt (which is something, unlike my country, that I support wholeheartedly). Thanks to Google's hashtag that appeared on their homepage supporting the court's decision, I am now using a different search engine and boycotting Google. I will also be more conscious of companies I give my business to, and will do my best wherever possible to give my business only to companies with good morals, preferably those who support traditional marriage.

     On a little bit different note, I wanted to bring up some concerns I had about the court's decision that go beyond just morals.

     During my last semester of college, my most educating class (or at least the one I learned the most in), was my United States government class. We talked specifically about the different roles of the three branches. The Supreme Court (Judicial branch) definitely stepped out of bounds with their decision today.

     The job of the Supreme Court is to enforce existing laws (created by the Legislative branch), and to alter existing laws where those laws conflict with the Constitution. Never has it been the Supreme Court's responsibility to enact laws, especially when these laws have nothing to do with the Constitution, or override the jurisdiction of another branch of government.

     The responsibility to create and pass laws belongs to the federal and state Legislative branch. Yet today, the Supreme Court decided to overrule both the federal and state legislatures, and create a law on their own.

     Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts cautioned Americans to "not celebrate the Constitution." because "It had nothing to do with it." The Chief Justice, the head of the 9 Supreme Court justices, stated the ruling had nothing to do with the Constitution, which is supposed to be involved in every ruling of the Supreme Court.

     Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia stated (in reference to the decision) "It is not of special importance to me what the law says about marriage. It is of overwhelming importance, however, who it is that rules me. Today's decree says that my Ruler, and the Ruler of 320 million Americans coast-to-coast, is a majority of nine lawyers on the Supreme Court."

     The Supreme Court was designed to be the final say, and has always been the most powerful branch of government (in that sense), but today they showed that they have decided to be our new rulers. Their decision today directly undermined the legislative branch's responsibility.

     It is sad that the Democratic Republic that once defined America has died. We are now ruled by 9 individuals who are not even elected by the people. Instead, justices are appointed by the president, and then approved by the Senate. Justices never go before the public for a vote before being appointed.

     It is unfortunate that the Supreme Court has overstepped their bounds and claimed power over and above all branches of the government.

     Despite all of the bad news, my name is still Mitchell Clark, I am still a son of God, I still have a voice and will still use it, and I still have the power to make a difference. I will, with God's blessing and support, fight the good fight till the end of my earthly days and beyond. I believe in God, I believe in the Bible, I believe in the Book of Mormon, I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I believe that marriage, as ordained by God, is between a man and a woman, and that same-sex marriage as defined by God is sinful and wrong. And, so long as I am living my life correctly and in accordance with God's law, I will keep those beliefs and testimony until the day I die, and beyond.

     I follow what the LDS Church said about this decision; "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints acknowledges that following today's ruling by the Supreme Court, same-sex marriages are now legal in the United States. The court's decision does not alter the Lord's doctrine that marriage is a union between a man and a woman ordained by God. While showing respect for those who think differently, the church will continue to teach and promote marriage between a man and a woman as a central part of our doctrine and practice."

     The laws of men cannot and will not define the laws of God.