My Journey to Veganism

In July of 2017, I made the decision to become vegan. This wasn’t a decision I made suddenly, without thought, or based purely on in-the-moment emotion. It was something I had been slowly working towards, researching, praying about, and studying ancient and modern words of God and the prophets.

            I first really learned about the idea of veganism from my friend David who had been vegan for a while before we met. I had of course heard of veganism before meeting him, but had never put much thought into it, and often dismissed it as foolish, distant, radical, not something worth thinking about, and even against the will and plan of God. This played into much of my early friendship with David. I would often challenge him on his choice to be vegan, I would site claims that he was missing vital nutrients like protein and calcium by avoiding meat and milk. I would site claims that God gave us animals to use for food. This continued on for a couple years of our friendship before I came to accept it and realized many of my claims were wrong. 

            While David was certainly a catalyst in my choice to become vegan, he was not the primary cause. It ultimately had to be my choice. Once I mellowed out and came to accept his choice to be vegan, I became more supportive. When I would eat with him I would often eat vegan foods with him. This applied both when we ate at home, and also when we went to restaurants. When I wasn’t with him, I would still generally eat a lot of meat, milk, eggs, etc. 

            Over time I started to notice something. When I ate vegan meals, I would often feel a bit better, lighter, happier, and more in-tune spiritually afterwards than when I ate something that wasn’t vegan. I had also been having various health issues such as upset stomach, gas and bloating, and back pain, and I would generally notice a decrease in those symptoms when eating vegan as well.

            As I started to take note of these differences in how I felt, I was also starting to reach out to doctors for help with my digestive issues. My experiences with the doctors would be that they would either dismiss my concerns as not as limiting or important as they felt to me, or they would recommend very specific and difficult to follow dietary changes or various medications that of course ran the risk of different side-effects as well as potentially making me dependent on an expensive pill to feel alright. 

            As all of this was happening, I felt that I wanted to look at my choices of food from a more spiritual perspective. I started to really challenge some of my deep-seated beliefs on what the teachings on food consumption were in the church. I had honestly never seriously and purposefully read through the Word of Wisdom. Of course I had read verses here and there, and heard talks and lessons on it given in church, seminary, and institute, but in almost every case when (and if) food was talked about, it was said that it teaches “everything in moderation”.

            The "problem" with the word moderation is that it’s not limiting on any one thing in particular. In other words, a dinner plate that’s 50% meat, 50% vegetables would be considered moderate as neither the meat or vegetables are in excess of the other. A 60% to 40% ratio could also generally be considered moderate. 

            When I actually read the Word of Wisdom, I found that a different word was used in speaking on the consumption of meat. In D&C 89: 12-13 it states: 

12 Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly;

13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.

            The first key word used here is sparingly. Sparingly is a more limiting and specific word than moderation. For example, if I have a dinner plate that’s 50/50 meat and vegetables, I would be eating in moderation, but I wouldn’t be eating one or the other sparingly as they are equal values. 

            More important for me though was the wording in verse 13. God specifically states that it’s pleasing unto Him that “they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.” For me that stood out very clearly. When I looked at my own life, I realized I’m certainly not in a time of famine. Even if it is winter or cold outside, because of advancements in technology, transportation, and agriculture I’m pretty much never in a situation where I would need to eat meat for survival. And God stated that it’s pleasing unto Him that they are not used outside of those specific instances.

            Some of the other scriptural accounts that really stood out to me in making this decision are those scriptures that talk about when the earth was and will be perfected. During the time of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, the earth was in a perfected state. There was no death. 

Genesis 1:29-31

29 ¶ And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

Genesis 2:15-16

15 And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.

16 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:

           During the time when the world is again perfected there will also be no death. Even the animals will not feed on each other.

Isaiah 11:6-9

6 The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them.

7 And the cow and the bear shall feed; their young ones shall lie down together: and the lion shall eat straw like the ox.

8 And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice’ den.

9 They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea.

Isaiah 65:25

25 The wolf and the lamb shall feed together, and the lion shall eat straw like the bullock: and dust shall be the serpent’s meat. They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain, saith the Lord.

            As I considered those scriptures, I thought of how we are here on this earth to be tried and tested, to eventually hopefully reach perfection. While no one will achieve perfection here, and no one can achieve perfection without the grace and atonement of Christ, and we will all sin and fall short, I felt that I could still try to work towards it during this life. And when I considered that part of the nature of the perfected world was the absence of death or killing, I looked at and challenged my own participation in the killing of animals. 

            As I was studying the scriptures, I decided I wanted to look for words of modern prophets on the matter. After quite a bit of searching I found a video that really touched me. It’s called “Return to Sparingly: Quotes From LDS Prophets and Apostles.” (I will share it below and include a link). This video had a huge impact on me, and really opened my eyes to the history and significance of the Word of Wisdom that I was totally unaware of before.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXGXodVrYsA&lc=Ugya8agkyAuraP936wJ4AaABAg
As this video is basically just quotes, here's a transcript to the quotes if you'd rather just read them:
  https://returntosparingly.weebly.com/quotes-video-transcript.html

            I came across another video called “Discovering the Word of Wisdom: A Short Film” that similarly had a big impact on me and really got me thinking. (shared and linked below).

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXe311aVFqI

            As I found all of this information I started to genuinely feel uncomfortable about my choices of food. I felt that there was something I needed to change, and that it would improve my life spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I prayed a lot and fervently asked God for answers. Eventually I made a decision. I set a date when it would be easier for me to fully transition over and decided I was going to do it. The date of, I went cold-turkey. I started eating only foods that were vegan and nothing else. And during this time I prayed a lot and continued studying. I really wanted to know if this was what God wanted me to do.

            I got my answer not long afterwards. It wasn’t a big huge moment, it was more subtle and drawn out. But as the days went on and I stayed committed to eating vegan, I noticed my life improving in many ways. And eventually it just clicked that this was what I was going to do, that it was more than just a personal decision, it was a spiritual one and a commitment made between me and God. That the Word of Wisdom is indeed a word of wisdom. Not all included in it is commandment. But God gave it for council that if I accepted it, I could live a better and healthier life, and I could continually learn new things about how to take care of myself and my body.

            I have not taken this change in my life to mean that I should pressure or command others around me to follow the same and become vegan. I still love those in my life who are not vegan. That does not mean I do not feel the need to encourage others and share with them the benefits I have received from this change. I very much want to help people realize what I did, make a change, and experience the benefits from it. But I want to do it in a way that respects others’ agency.

            This summer I’ll hit the 2 year anniversary of my transition to a purely vegan diet. During the past approximately year and a half I’ve experienced both criticism and support. But I plan to stick to it unless and until God commands otherwise. And, for the sake of my family, friends, and those around me, I want to share the benefits of and my testimony of the Word of Wisdom and following its council. I know that God, the creator of my body, knows what’s best for my health, even if sometimes I’m unsure or unwilling to listen. I know that I can find answers in the scriptures, from modern and living prophets and apostles, and from prayer and personal revelation. I’m so thankful that God placed people and circumstances in my life that led me to really want to learn about and improve how I care for my body. And I’m thankful for my chance to live here on this wonderful earth.

Just one other quote I found today while preparing to write this post that I really loved. This is from a talk given by Ezra Taft Benson (then of the Quorum of the Twelve) in a devotional on March 4, 1979. The talk is entitled “In His Steps” https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/ezra-taft-benson_in-christs-steps/

Second: food. To a great extent we are physically what we eat. Most of us are acquainted with some of the prohibitions, such as no tea, coffee, tobacco, or alcohol. What need additional emphasis are the positive aspects—the need for vegetables, fruits, and grains, particularly wheat. In most cases, the closer these can be, when eaten, to their natural state— without overrefinement and processing—the healthier we will be. To a significant degree, we are an overfed and undernourished nation digging an early grave with our teeth, and lacking the energy that could be ours because we overindulge in junk foods. I am grateful to know that on this campus you can get apples from vending machines, that you have in your student center a fine salad bar, and that you produce an excellent loaf of natural whole-grain bread. Keep it up and keep progressing in that direction. We need a generation of young people who, as Daniel, eat in a more healthy manner than to fare on the “king’s meat”—and whose countenances show it (see Daniel 1).

Feeling Alone

                One of the things I deal with in my life that I wish more than almost anything to go away or be different is feelings of loneliness, emptiness, confusion, and depression. I went on a vacation with my family over the weekend, and had a lot of laughs, fun, and made memories. I honestly had a good time for most of it. But on that same vacation, I experienced overwhelming and consuming feelings of loneliness, isolation, depression, hopelessness, and emptiness. And sometimes those feelings would follow directly after a positive experience, and seemingly for no justifiable reason at all.

                Feeling depressed or lonely in these moments that I believe I should be feeling the opposite (loved, connected, and happy), actually made those feelings worse as it took them from just being loneliness or depression, and suddenly carried a feeling of shame because I felt like I must not love my family enough to have a good time around them. I must not be a good enough son, brother, or grandson if I’m not happy when I’m with family. Sometimes I feel safest physically isolating myself by going into a room and closing the door because then I feel that I have a justifiable (even if self-inflicted) reason to be lonely. And somehow, even though I am then literally alone, it seems better to feel alone in that situation than to experience shame by feeling alone around those I believe I should feel most connected to.

                Another difficulty that leads to even further self-inflicted isolation is I feel the need to police my own words and actions. I listen to my sisters, mom, and grandmother comment on how good looking certain guys are that we see on our vacation, and sometimes I agree, and while my sister can enthusiastically express how cute a guy was, I constantly feel the need to suppress and completely bar any similar expression from my own mouth. For me, it’s a fear of the potential perceived sexual intent behind any such expression…Because of my insecurity about views of culture, or even about how my family would react if I did express such feelings, I just bury it deep inside. And sometimes it’s honestly suffocating. Yes, there are many things to talk about beyond attractive people… But feeling like I can never talk about it at all is suffocating. I don’t blame my family for it. Even if my family were to assure me that such expressions are fine, I would still monitor and filter everything I said, and would probably feel uncomfortable about it anyway.

                I look at my friendships, and feel shame there, too… For so much of my life I would cry any time I finished watching the Lord of the Rings. I wanted so deeply to have a friendship as deep and trusting as what I saw expressed in film between Frodo and Sam. And right now in my life, I honestly feel like I do. Sure, the relationship between Frodo and Sam in film could be considered a highlight reel. There’s so much you don’t actually see. And that’s why I feel like I have that relationship now. It’s not perfect, but I feel honestly cared about and loved in that relationship, in many of the ways I yearned for from watching those movies. Yet the same shame I feel around my family carries over to my friendships, too. Being with my friends, I still have times where I feel totally alone. I still have times where I feel like I need to carefully monitor and filter anything that I do or say. Even with my best friend, who I feel the most comfortable with and loved around, I still have times of being with him and feeling alone, depressed, or fearful for what he may think of me.

                Then I look at my other relationships and feel bad… I want and need other relationships. Yet I struggle so much to keep them alive. Setting up time to spend with friends leads me to experience really overwhelming anxiety, even though when I finally make it happen, I usually have a really good time. And there are times with my other friends where, while with them, I feel alone, depressed, or like I need to police my words and actions.

                When I go to church, I usually sit alone. It’s usually because that’s when I feel safest. Does it leave me feeling alone? Yes. But sitting alone seems far less stressful. And even though I’m really not doing much of anything when I’m sitting alone, I feel more authentic to myself by doing so than by sitting next to someone purposefully and then feeling like I need to nit-pick everything that I say. When someone does sit next to me and talks to me, or even when I push myself and decide to sit next to someone, I usually feel good about it. I often leave the interaction with a positive outcome. At least temporarily. But even after an interaction has concluded, I spend so much time dissecting every little thing I said, and trying to determine what that person took away from the conversation and what they think of me. 

                Before I get too off topic, I want to point out that I really did have a good time on the vacation with my family... I really did feel loved and connected. But during that same vacation, I had moments of feeling alone, depressed, and lost. And I guess that's what I'm trying to write about. That I can have a great time, even a great time for the majority of a certain event, but even at the highest moments of happiness and fun in my life, I can also feel those deep negative emotions, and I feel that I carry a lot of shame and confusion about it, and I fear to really be open and talk about it, especially in the moment with the people I am with.

                I really don’t know what the answer is at this point. I just felt like I needed to write. Honestly sometimes I really don’t feel like I even know who the real authentic ‘me’ is. I feel like there are so many sides to me, but I don’t know how to acknowledge them… are they fully independent parts of me? Are they independent parts that come together to make a whole? Are they just feelings that come and go, but don’t define ‘me’? Or maybe each one is ‘me’ and aren’t separate at all? I don’t know. I don’t even know that that makes sense.

                I value those that I have deep relationships with. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your point of view, I feel comfortable being the most authentic with those I truly trust… and sometimes that includes the negative side of me that I usually try to keep hidden and suppressed.

                I believe in God, I believe in the church. I know, at least in that area, how I want to live my life. But there are so many areas of my identity that I feel like aren’t set out clearly in my mind and lifestyle. I’m still trying to figure out how to be me. How to authentically interact with those around me, and what ‘authentic’ in those circumstances really means… because I think there’s a difference between conduct that is appropriate and conduct that is not… but I’m not sure where those lines and authenticity meet.

                I have a lot of decisions before me right now… I’m at a big crossroads with my current job. I can either keep my current position, with some tweaks in the hours I work, or I can move up higher, accept a lot more responsibility, and there would be risk involved, but the potential benefits would be higher. I’m working on my spirituality again. It’s been a long time since I’ve read scriptures consistently, but ever since conference I’ve read at least one chapter from the Book of Mormon each night. I don’t know… life is confusing and stressful.

                I’ll keep moving forward. I have a lot to figure out. Life keeps going, even if sometimes I wish it would slow down. Maybe one day I’ll learn how to best deal with loneliness, depression, and anxiety, and learn to be authentic to myself.